In my time on this planet I've learnt many things such as my children will probably have red hair, bad decisions make great stories and that the girl (or guy) of your dreams just might be around the corner, so always be prepared.
Here is a light hearted look at ten things which I believe can help you snag the one to take home to mum.
Get Your House In Order
When I say house I mean yourself. Meeting the girl of your dreams while you're angry, sad, insecure or just plain 'all over the shop' is not recommended.
Women are very clever and can sense when you're being mental or a needy bear. You want to come across as someone who's sure of themselves, whether that's a nerd, jock or creep-ball. Be happy to tell people, “I'm creep-ball and I'm ok with that”.
Fear Is Perfectly Normal
It's in men's DNA to be scared of being told to piss-off by a girl. Back when we threw spears at one another, rejection would literally mean being thrown out the tribe. This would mean certain death and NOT a short stint as a reality TV star.
It's perfectly normal to be shitting bricks when you attempt to meet the girl of your dreams. The most important thing to remember is to push through it, because there's no tribe, no death, only possibilities. The words “All you need is 20 seconds of unbelievable courage” have never been truer.
You've Got No, But You Can Get Yes
My father is many things; a wino, an architect who never architected and a smart guy when it comes to giving something a go. He's always told me “you've got no, you can get yes”. By not at-least going up and saying hello to the girl or guy of your dreams, you won't have a snowball's chance in hell of knowing if she will say yes.
The 3 Second Rule
This is perhaps the best rule in meeting your hottie. You have 3 seconds from the moment you first see her until you begin to believe all the bullshit of why you shouldn't say hello. It doesn't matter where you are, as soon as you see her you'll have 1 second to register she's 'the one' and 2 more seconds to clear your throat so your voice doesn't break when you say hello. Believe me, recovery from a squeaky voice is hard. Just ask David Beckham.
Be Daring
Giving her your business card with “Your hot!!!” written (dodgy grammar included) on the back is not brave, it's shit and you're better than that. Girls remember the guys who were ballsy enough to say hello in the not-so-normal situations. Be daring, be brave and be remembered for something that other guys wouldn't normally do. You never know, it might be the thing that tips her scales in your direction.
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Say 'Hello' Or 'Hi'
You need a good opener and the best opener is… 'hello'. It's the easiest way to get a 'hello' back. Try and be too clever and you risk her not responding at all. If you must, think of something situational that can easily create a dialogue. By doing this you'll at least have 30 seconds to do a quick compatibility scan. Prognosis? Positive. Proceed.
Develop Your Point Of Difference
Like in marketing, the brands which stand out have a point of difference. People don't remember beige. For me back in the day, it was my Topman Micky Mouse jumper. Always got a comment and made me appear ten years younger to unsuspecting love interests.
Asking Them Out Via Text Is A No-No
So you've risen to the challenge and asked them out. You have their mobile number and you're planning your next move. All I can say is, DO NOT TEXT. Call me old fashioned but it takes a lot of balls to pick up the phone and set a place and time for date #1. She WILL remember that you called and she will tell her friends.
There Are No Return Flights From Friend Zone
Friend Zone is a dangerous place which should be avoided at all costs. When you meet her and if you really like her, then let it be known. Dancing around the subject, pretending to be her friend and all that rubbish will only make your cause harder.
Learn From Your Mistakes
The best thing about asking women out is you could potentially do it fifty times a day if you really wanted. But that's borderline creepy (refer to point#1). So getting out there and practicing is the best method of getting a better awareness of what works for you and what doesn't. Relish the challenge, ups, downs and funny stories you'll have to tell your grandkids one day. God speed, you magnificent bastard.